


In Andraste's Name

by carpe_cullen



Series: Red Templar!Cullen AU [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Andraste Statue, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Lyrium Withdrawal, Red Lyrium, Red Lyrium Cullen, Red Templar Cullen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 05:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9220145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpe_cullen/pseuds/carpe_cullen
Summary: Due to the on-going effects of lyrium withdrawal, Cullen has a nightmare of his past causing him to try to push Emilie away. Instead, she brings him to see someone he lost long ago to bring him solace.





	

Cullen found himself quite preoccupied with the words Emilie had last spoken to him. _I’ve come to care about you. As in more than friends._ The corners of his lips curled as he thought of the blush that had set upon her cheeks as she nervously glanced anywhere except him during her confession. His hand raked over the cloak she had given him, the dark burgundy color contrasting against his skin, and after a few moments of admiration he unfolded the gift. The smile he had only grew when he saw the gold lines along the edges. He quickly shrugged the cloak on as another strong breeze blew over the battlements.

Emilie had also mentioned rest and with that thought, his mouth stretched with a silent yawn that made him decide that he too should also rest. He made his way back to his quarters, a small room above the armory which was far better accommodations than he could’ve hoped for. Once he was behind closed doors, he pulled open the shutters to allow the cold into his room and reluctantly removed the cloak to fold and place upon the desk at the end of his bed. As soon as Cullen sat upon the mattress that he had left not too long ago, he realized just how tired his body was. Though his strength has grown considerably since his coma, he still found that the withdrawal of lyrium still had their claws in his skin. There was always a constant, throbbing pain at the base of his skull, his temperature would fluctuate - though more often than not, he was cold - and then, of course, there were the night terrors which only allotted him a few hours of sleep at most before he would awake drenched in sweat.

After an hour or so of tossing and turning, Cullen had drifted off to sleep. But what started as a dream had quickly turned into a nightmare as his past relived vividly in his mind. Villages burning. The strangled cries of the innocent. The blood that dripped from his sword. He jumped awake with a short scream, his body slick with sweat and his lungs heaving for air. As he looked around him, he noticed his room had become dark with only a sliver of light from the moon. Though he was awake, he could still hear the voices echoing in his head. His jaw clenched as he tried to hold back the tears, to which he failed. The immense guilt has become a weight on his chest ever since he was broken free of the lyrium chain and memories of his deeds have resurfaced day by day. And it wasn’t until he saw his door creak open that he pulled himself out of the memory for only a moment.

“Cullen?” Emilie called out as she walked through the door holding what seemed to be a plate of food. “I didn’t see you at dinner and I-”

Her voice trailed off as her eyes finally fixed on him and she quickly placed the plate on his desk and came to his side. “Are you alright?”

When he saw her golden eyes looking at him with a concern he’s only seen a few times in his lifetime, Ser Barris’ words replayed. _Beast. Mutant._ “No. You shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t take such an interest in me,” he told her quietly.

“And why is that?” she asked. Her voice cracked slightly and he could tell that his words had stung.

“The things I’ve done…they’re unforgivable. I have blood on my hands that can never be cleaned, voices in my head that can’t be quieted. An-”

“You were being controlled, you didn’t choose that life,” she told him adamantly.

“That doesn’t excuse it,” he sighed. “The withdrawals are bringing back the terrible things I’ve done. How am I to walk with you or any other person here knowing that I was part of the enemy you all fought against?”

Silence hung in the air between them and he tore his gaze away from her as he hung his head. The sheets rustled as she shifted - what he presumed as her readying to leave. But when her hand came to touch his forearm, his head rose to look back at her.

“I want to show you something,” she murmured, her full lips forming a small smile. He sighed again as he nodded slowly. At this, he wondered if he would be able to tell her no at all. Doubtful, really.

They walked together in silence but the distance between them was small - every so often their hands would graze one another and a part of him desperately wanted to take in it into his own. But he held tightly to his restraint. She led him through the garden and brought him to a door on the opposite side of the entrance. When she opened the door, he released a sigh of relief.

A statue of Andraste. His eyes raked over the stone as though he needed to refamiliarize himself with the deity. Along the few steps leading to the statue were lit candles and scattered around the room were dried leaves and cobwebs.

“It isn’t much,” he heard Emilie say, “but I thought that perhaps…this was another area in Skyhold that you could find solace.”

“You,” he whispered, a smile coming back to his face, “you are…” and he voice faded. He turned his head to her, his lips parted slightly and the wheels in his head working to find the word to let her know just how perfect she is but he fell silent. Her smile grew wider as they both laughed quietly. The candlelight shined dimly along her skin, twinkling in her eyes, and a warmth spread through him and his breath hitched as he realized she had slipped her hand into his.

“Find me when you’re ready,” she told him softly before turning to leave. He felt her hand begin to fall away from his too soon, so his grip tightened slightly, just enough to get her attention.

“Thank you,” he said after a short pause.

“You’re welcome, Cullen.” She swept her thumb across his fingers before finally leaving and shutting the door quietly.

He turned back to face Andraste, who stood straight and proud before him. His throat dried as though he had just found a long lost friend and he sighed. Religion has always been there for him. It was there during Kinloch. And during Kirkwall. But as soon as he had become corrupted with Red Lyrium, his religion had faded from his soul only to be replaced with darkness.

Cullen inched forward before bending knee along the stone floor and his hands clasped together before him. He looked up to Her again and even though he could feel the warmth of Her light shine down on him, he knew that he had much to confess.

“Hear now, Andraste, daughter of Brona, Spear-made of Alamarr, to valiant hearts sing. Of victory waiting, yet to be claimed from the steel-bond forgers of barren Tevene,” he began, greeting his old friend. And with a deep breath, his eyes shut tightly and he searched his memories on where to begin.

It’s been nearly two days since he last saw Emilie. With being shown the room, he could hardly tear himself away for he felt he had much to repent and not enough time in this life. He also wanted to avoid her seeing him in such a state - where his eyes had become swollen with his tears and his face red. But after the second day, he felt as though a miniscule amount of weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he thought that he could take a break, at least until morning, and find her.

He made his way into the courtyard and his eyes scanned the battlements. When he saw her leaning against a merlon facing the mountains, his lips curled into a smile and he stepped forward with determination. Since the day he first saw her, he’s been dying to tell her how he felt and now he finally has the chance to. A warmth grew deep inside of him and it intensified the closer he came to her. Within a few moments he was on the wall and only a few strides away from Emilie.

He paused. A brief thought of turning back had made him falter. But then her head turned and _that_ smile, one he had fallen for time and time again, came to her face. His lips twitched and he pushed forward, his pace quickening slightly as her body turned towards him. Cullen quickly closed the distance between them and before she could speak his name, he pressed his lips to hers.

Lavender. The scent he envisioned she would have and it only made him sink into her more. She was softer than the finest silk and sweeter than any wine he’d tasted. Her hands came to tangle in the fur mantle of the cloak she had gotten and her lips responded to his. His arms slid around her waist with the encouragement and brought her closer. Kissing her, _truly_ kissing her, was like floating. He was weightless and everything around them had faded away and all they were all that was left.

He reluctantly pulled away and he smiled as he heard a soft sound of disapproval. When his eyes opened, he found that hers were gazing up at him.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I’ve wanted to do that for…quite longer than I’d care to admit.” She laughed.

“Well, I’m sorry for not doing it sooner then,” she replied, her hand coming to cup his cheek, fingers grazing over his stubble.

“I wanted to thank you, for the other night,” he said, his eyes flicking away briefly, “you have no idea what that meant to me.”

“I thought it would make you happy.”

“It has. And this,” he said quietly, eyes gesturing to her lips, “has made me even happier.” She smiled brightly before leaning up so her mouth was hovering just below his.

“Me too,” she whispered. They met in another kiss, softer, slower than the last - for he knew that this would be just one of many that they would share.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for such a long time away from updating the series, I was extremely busy with life and had become less devoted to writing in general. These updates won't be consistent just because I also am working on writing my own original series, but I do intend to continue this work because I just really really love it. :) I hope you all enjoy!


End file.
